You get some complete bastards and dickheads in supermarkets and I’m not talking about the staff here, nor am I talking about the morons who ask dumb questions, prime example:

Customer: “Where are those pain killers I get every week?”

Me: “Sorry Ugly but I have no idea what products you buy each week”

Customer: “Got any of those baby wipes that are on offer?”

Me: “Do you see any on the shelf, yea that shelf with the ‘Sorry out of stock label’ on it? No, you don’t. You know why that is Dickhead? BECAUSE THERE IS NONE!!!!!”

Customer: “How much is this?”

Me: Hmm the label in front of the product says 69p, so at a guess I would say 69p.

Customer: “My friend says she got such and such a product here”

Me: “Sorry, but your friends a fucking liar.”

Okay, so they are not the answers I give, but it’s usually what I’m thinking. We do however get some amazing customers, some who truly break the rules, like this chap who visited the store one evening……

It was a Monday night and around 9pm when the pervert arrived, he hovered around the clothing department for about twenty minutes and selected a pair of trousers, he then took the trousers into one of the changing rooms. Nothing unusual there, except for the fact that he was in there for about thirty minutes, the clothing department member of staff, lets call her Pauline, knocked on the door and enquired if the gentleman was alright, he said in a stiff and tired voice that he was. Twenty minutes then passed the guy had still not appeared. By this time Pauline had gotten rather suspicious and went to alert security, Jim the security guard then went to the changing room and asked if the man needed any assistance. He said no, and came out of the changing room holding the trousers; he then handed the trousers to Pauline and left the store in a hurry. Pauline went to fold up the trousers up again, but not before her hand entered a gooey substance on the arse of the trousers. That fuckin’ weirdo had wanked all over the arse of them. Pauline quit a few days later.