I have not been to a dentist for years; I had no intention of going to a dentist.  Until my mother watched a news report on the lack of NHS dentists and how their numbers are shrinking and how people who have been struck off their local dentists lists for not going to check ups are having problems finding people to fix their filthy rotten black teeth.  Fearing the price tag of private dentil care I immediately called and booked an appointment with my dentist, whom I had not seen in 5 years.

Appointment 1

I figured I take good care of my chompers so I assumed I would be in and out and that would be me done for another five years.  Firstly, Mr Dentist commented on how long I had been absent and before even grabbing his wee mirror and sharp pointy bit of metal that makes your gums bleed he was giving me a lecture on why regular check ups are important.  In he goes.

He goes round the mouth and does all that dentist talk that we dont understand and then announces its X ray time.  I get three X rays, 3 doses of radiation are shot through my jaw and the results are brought up his PC.  Like my car mechanic he points at something that I have no idea what is, sucks in air through his teeth and proceeds to tell me that, I require one filling on my left.  Thats not so bad I think and then says:

 But on your right we have major problems, see that gap between your two teeth here?

I cant, but I take his word for it.

Well, thats where somebody removed a tooth a few years ago (it was him, his idea too), the sides where not sealed properly and have started to rot, thats lead to the gum becoming infected and for some reason I cant explain, the bone in your jaw has also started to disintegrate, we have two choices.  I can either remove the three teeth that are infected or we can work on killing the infection, getting three root fillings and fixing the jaw, Im surprised youre not in extreme pain?

I have no pain, I also had no clue my mouth was infected and didnt know my jaw bone was being eaten away.  Like taking my car for a service and being told I need a new carbon shaft and fly wheel, Im in no position to argue.  I decide I need teeth so opt for the treatment. 

Its at this point that Im told the treatment will take several weeks and I should see the receptionist out front to make my first appointment for the filling on the good(ish) side of my mouth and to get my quote for the forth coming work.

My quote looks worse than a service bill from Charles Hurst Rover (the biggest crooks ever), I scan down the list of processes, materials and other things and decide I have no idea what anything on here is and go straight to the bottom for the final figure, when I finish with my one filling, two root fillings, infection flush and whatever else I will have spent over 250.

Typical, before I go to the dentist I have no pain, I have no idea anything is wrong, everything is fine.  I go to the dentist and find out I have the mouth of a 70 year old man in the early 1900s (thats his words).  Its just like the time I took my Rover 111sli to Charles Hurst Rover for a pre MOT service, those crooks told me I needed a complete new exhaust, and rear suspension brushes (I have no idea what they are) and my car would not pass an MOT without this work and it would cost around 600 (this was in 1999).  I instead took the car to a mechanic recommended by a Taxi driver who said the suspension was fine and the exhaust did need a new back box (25) but was otherwise fine.  He did the work, told me I should report Charles Hurst Rover to trading standards and surprise surprise my car passed the MOT first time, I asked the inspector about the rear suspension, he said it was fine.

But one thing Im not prepared to do is go behind a dentists back, Im sure their a close knit community, they tell each other when their customers dont believe them and next thing you know your in for the check up and bam!  The sharp pointy thing slips and pierces your tongue, an accident and then when your getting treatment youll find the freezing agent wont last too long and then the drill slips and hits the nerve.  Revenge, dental style.