Obviously insanity has begun to grip me. Ive been stuck in the house for two days because I have something wrong with my ear. I wake up deaf every morning, which makes pleasant change from being woken up by my cat running around the room in circles with a hairbrush in his mouth…

Even the repetitive work of ripping all my CD’s is starting to get to me. Im at Niter ebb. And I think Im going to go insane…

Running into monk yesterday, apart from him telling me I hadn’t changed (thanks so Ive always looked like shit and thirty) he reminded me of a time I gave up drinking, which when you knew how much monk could drink you can understand why I gave up three days after I woke up after a quiet night out.

Quiet Pint

It was early 1998, and I had just broken up with my then girlfriend Amanda, who had the decency to dump me at a bus stop. needless to say I didn’t take it too well, so I went out and got drunk and a stupid haircut(again) it was during this increasingly stupid period that I reinforced my reputation for being a heavy drinker with an incredibly stupid haircut(it ranged from Dreads braids and stuff with tow rope)

In a vain attempt to get back in the game ,as they say, I asked a few ladies out (in a group) down to the William Jameson in Sunderland with some moral support Black Jack and Olla joined me.The ladies left after a few pints and Olla and black jack left.

Then Paul and Wee Dave came in and sat down we had another few beers and at about 3 we decided to make a move to go home. Just as we were leaving Johnny Houston, John MacLean and Monk walked in and we all sat down for another few beers.

Gets silly

We then took leave(of our senses) and went down to the 147 club, because someone had a tab in it and they knew the staff, so we chucked lots of beer down our necks, lots of free games of pool and the unnerving smell of shit wafting about the pub(apparently they had problems with drainage)..

By the time we left here I was boisterous and on a mission to kill myself with drink

We ended up in the Pilgrim (when it was nice and had just opened) and we had a pitcher of beer each and  we proceeded to try and neck. I think we got thrown out because I carved my name into one of the long banqueting tables they had.

Now it gets patchy

Wee Dave left

Paul was sick

Gets downright stupid

The remainder went to  Rosie Malones, now at the time I was a resident tutor, I looked after a student hall to make sure nobody killed themselves My timing for this bender was impeccable, it was reading week and  lots of parent were up and because Rosies was the closest pub to the hall everyone was in with their parents.

I fall in through the door singing some sectarian song at the top of my lungs, go and get a pint and go and spray a conversation to Jesse’s parents, before I fall over (didnt spill a drop mind). Handed my pint to one of her parents and went and made myself sick came back and necked my pint.

At this point I couldn’t find my feet let alone my drinking companions, so I swing down to Durty Nellies, no ones in and I have another pint, talk to the bouncer about nicking a pint glass, leave (because it is throwing out time) walk down to Apadana for a Kebab to eat on the way back to my Hall, don’t worry I didn’t eat the kebab. took a dislike to someone BMW and tipped my kebab with chill sauce over it.

Gets dangerous

I finally made it home. To the wrong hall, thankfully I know everyone in there and Im on a quest for more beer. Unfortunately no one has any beer just noxious student spirits. I make myself comfortable in a girls room and throw half a bottle of Cointreau down my neck (shouting ‘to the Queen’ a lot)

I kind of black out

I remember answering the door and someone handing me a crash barrier and walking around with it

I remember picking my mate Gaz up.

I kind of remember fallen over

I remember half the hall coming out to watch me giggling like a mad man with a crash barrier on me

I remember someone say go and get Harry

I remember Harry coming in and say Id be alright

I vaguely remember stumbling into a girls room and barfing in her bin.

I remember nearly swallowing my tongue on a couple of occasions

I remember the look of panic on the girls face as she held me over the bin and I started to puke about a pint of blood all over the place

I remember people trying to get an ambulance for me but Harry said I should just sleep it off.

The Aftermath

I woke up in the morning and I had no idea where I was, the room I was in was spotless (it was room inspection day)

I had no clothes on and my master key was missing. I got up and went and lay on the nice cold bathroom floor. was sick again, went down to Harry and nicked some of his clothes(the man is about half the size of me) went and slept in another bathroom for a bit, finally found my master key and clothes .Everything I was wearing was covered in blood.

Then had the walk of shame across the car park with everyone in both the halls looking at me. Got in, slept on my bathroom floor on top of a bag of worthers originals. Was sick again.

Got up to meet my ex, looked in the mirror and I had burst every blood vessel in my eyes, eyelids and a couple in my face.met her at the library was sick. again and I went home met a girl I knew and she said I looked like and been shat out by a zombie hobo..

Finally got home bought some orange juice, reminded me of the cointreau so I was sick again.

Lay in bed for three days.

Got up and vowed never to drink spirits again, and walked about the hall like a new man muttering about how I should be dead

I wish I could say that Ive never drank spirits again…

I wish I could say that Ive never been sick blood again

But I can tell you that this, was with out a doubt the worst hangover I ever had when I was 22