Ages ago, back when I gave a shit about WHR I was asked to write something for Alternative Ulster, I guess you may have called it a column? – well, maybe not. Anyway, it didnt get published, I can’t think why… Oh hang on, it might have been because, my writting is an acquired taste (i.e. – bollocks) or becasue I spent the entire column ranting about how much every AU workers favourite band suck? I dunno.

While you where at Therapy?

Friday 6th June will go down in history as one kick ass day, for one reason. It was the day I got my amazing FURIOUS GEORGE T-shirt. Other people may say that it was a kick ass day because of the launch of The Alternative Ulster magazine and the Therapy gig. Anyway, I didn’t and never had any intention of going to Therapy? Wanna know why? Well, its because I think Therapy? Are very over-rated. Everybody and I mean everybody has been getting their wee knickers, thongs, g strings, briefs, boxers and whatever else in a mega twist over this gig. Even the vegan straight edger who lives up stairs from me was going. I don’t totally hate Therapy? I have the Trouble gum album, on tape, I bought it for 25p in a second hand record shop in Glasgow. But I have never had the desire to be that into Therapy? Even years ago when they would play The Ulster Hall at Christmas and every bastard would go, I just never thought of them as that good, and people only really get that excited about them cos they are local, so local that the minute they got any popularity they buggered off to the mainland to live, I don’t blame them for that, this place does suck. I did eventually see Therapy, in The Empire a few years ago, the best bit was when Andy ‘Tubby’ Cairns was giving his ‘fuck MTV speech’ and I was standing thinking, ‘you wouldn’t be saying that if they where still playing the Trouble Gum videos back to back or asking you to play at The MTV European music awards’. Oh well, the DIY wagon is always there for when the major label wagon kicks you off.

So on the night of said gig I found I was devoid of entertainment. My usual form of entertainment for a Friday, which is working all ages punk rock gigs in Giros had been cancelled, probably because everybody else wanted to go to Therapy? And my back up plan, which is usually to go to The Venue and eye up 18 year old goth and nu-metal girls had to be scrapped cos, once again everybody seemed to be going to Therapy? So I broke out the emergency entertainment, no, not downloading bizarre porn form Kazaa. But… Watching videos.

A.K.A. – You cant stop me being an asshole.

I have hundreds of videos in my wardrobe, it’s the best place to put them because I have no clothing that needs hung up. Anyway, so there I was on my hands and knees sucking off, I mean looking for good movies to watch. After a while I selected three classics to watch: THE RUNNING MAN, Arnie and Jessi Ventura? – fuckin right! BILL AND TEDS EXCELLENT ADVENTURE, the movie of my misspent youth and ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, Snake? – cool as fuck. Next step was to prepare the evening, a visit to the shops to buy: 8 bottles of Bud, 1 cheese and chive dip and 1 packet of cream crackers. Pringles and Doritos are both crappy, expensive and for suckers. So there I was in the middle of my sofa with videos in front of me, beer to the left and tasty, yet odd, snacks to my right. Punk rock. But then I’m interrupted. In the flat upstairs (armchair) anarchist John and my flat mate Clare had been preparing dope yoghurt thingies (which really pissed off the straight edger’s) and gotten themselves stoned. Now, the armchair anarchist was, like every other bastard, going to Therapy? But Clare was going to Howl (a gay night in some night club who’s name escapes me). I was invited along and the concept of wasting a Friday night home alone was killing me so I grabbed my leather jacket and hit the street, wearing my new Furious George T-shirt too. I then proceeded to have one hell of a good night, that place was amazing, real fun and the music wasn’t bad either. OK. So a straight guy has no chance of pulling in a bar mostly inhabited by Lesbians, but so what it was great fun, actually I am a straight guy who rarely pulls anywhere (insert joke about alone in bedroom here).

Endnotes

Furious George the punk rock band from New York, NOT the losers form Delaware who are also called Furious George.

Sonic Dolls – Riot at The Sheep Dog Trails – the best punk rock band in Europe at the minute.

Agent Orange – yet another quality introduction from Wasp boy.

Don’t try to tell me that Nurse. Teeth Grinder. Short Sharp Shock et all are genius, cos they’re not.